He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
