all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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