I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
