Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The best revenge is premature balding
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
