He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
