Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
