...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
