I'm going to jail i love you
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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