I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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