im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
