just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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