i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
