I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
