the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
