and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
