If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
