I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
