I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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