I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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