I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
