i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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