she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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