We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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