I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
