in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
