Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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