Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
