She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
