She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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