nut hugger
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
