I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
