i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
