I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
