Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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