she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
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