I just cut my nipple shaving
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
