i love accidental penises.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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