in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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