i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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