she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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