Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
