It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
