And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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