A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
