If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
