Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
