I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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