You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
We named our party play list daddy issues
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
