Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
