I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
