I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
