One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
