someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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