I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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