Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
