you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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