They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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