How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
