shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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