If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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