Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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