Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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