At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
