I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
