i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i don't like sucking hair
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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