I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
