Pappa wants mamma naked
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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