That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
