When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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